The Art Of The Extra Low Five
by andhopeto
Summary: Boys will be boys. Especially when the Warblers Council passes a motion to have a week of butt-slapping and ass pats in an effort to display sportsmanlike behavior.


**Title:** The Art Of The Extra-Low Five  
**Summary: ** Boys will be boys. Especially when the Warblers Council passes a motion to have a week of butt-slapping and ass pats in an effort to display sportsmanlike behavior.  
**Spoilers: ** Through 2x12 – Silly Love Songs

**Notes:** Established-relationship fic, set some time in the near future. Written to fill a prompt someone left me. Title gleaned from an article found with google entitled: 'The extra-low five: the art of the butt touch'.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the rights to any of these characters. I simply dabble in this toybox.

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"I hate Wes. And David. Thad too. I _do_ mock you, sir, because you, sir, are an asshole," said Blaine, lying on his stomach in his bed at Dalton.

Kurt was having a hard time not laughing at his boyfriend, but he didn't want Blaine irritated with _him_, too.

"You've brought this on yourself," Kurt said from Blaine's roommate's bed. He blew on his nails and looked at them thoughtfully before bringing the buffer back down to their surface once again. "You were the only one getting hit that hard."

"This is abuse," Blaine whined. "And bullying, and torture, and—"

And Kurt couldn't take it any longer. A chuckle burst out from his chest, building in his ribcage and traveled up out of his mouth, unstifled.

"I'm glad to see you find my pain amusing," Blaine said sulkily. He buried his face into his pillow.

"You're going to get hair gel all over your pillow," Kurt pointed out in what he felt was a helpful manner. He put the buffer back into his manicure kit and withdrew a file to fix the line on one of his nails.

"I'm breaking up with you," Blaine mumbled into his pillow.

"Of course you are, _dear_," Kurt said sarcastically without a trace of fear. He stared over at Blaine's prone body and sighed. He put the file back with regret and zipped up his case before climbing out of bed to sit beside Blaine.

"You know I find your pathological need to be chivalrous and a gentleman sickeningly charming, but a few ass pats from the Warblers wasn't about to send me spiraling into a black hole of doom and despair."

"I didn't think it would." Blaine was positively whining now.

"Well, then explain it to me, because the council approving a week of sportsmanlike butt-slapping was beyond stupid, but you've spent the entire time making yourself into a target, dodging behind me whenever I'm in arm's distance of another Warbler to take every slap in my place.

"It was cute at first, but right now I'm having a hard time drumming up any sympathy for you."

That was only mostly true. Blaine sulking and whining was far cuter than Kurt should have found it _at all_. Kurt didn't _get_ fuzzy 'let me take care of you' feelings for the most part, but Blaine seemed to make him feel all _sorts_ of things he wasn't used to.

"Flint already apologized, Blaine. He didn't mean to hit you that hard. If you'd like, I can threaten to make his life miserable for hurting my boyfriend, but he's twice my size and about four feet taller than you—"

"I'm not _that_ short!"

"—and I think I would probably start laughing before I could finish threatening his life."

Blaine mumbled something mostly incomprehensible into his pillow, and Kurt wanted to be _very_ sure he just heard what he thought he'd heard.

"What was that?"

Blaine lifted his head from his pillow and pushed himself up onto his elbows.

"I didn't want anyone else touching you," he said, scowling.

Kurt was pretty sure that he was the world's worst boyfriend. Ever. Because Blaine's scowl was stupidly cute, and Kurt didn't even _like_ cute. Blaine liked cute things.

But Kurt liked Blaine, so he guessed that he was starting to like cute things, too.

"All those guys putting their hands on your... on _you_," Blaine expounded, sounding crankier as he went on. "I like being the only one allowed to touch you below the waist."

"Wait, wait. You can't _sit_ right now because you were _jealous_?" Kurt asked, incredulous.

"Maybe."

Kurt went silent, staring at his boyfriend's pathetic expression, the way his blazer bunched up in the small of his back, the crease of his pants and the way they hung on him while he lay on his front.

"You want me to kiss it better?" Kurt asked.

The dumbfounded expression on Blaine's face was priceless.

"No? Oh well, then." Kurt leaned in and kissed Blaine on the cheek before standing. "I have homework to do. See you later?"

"Wait, Kurt!" Blaine choked out as Kurt got the door open. "Hey, wait, come back!"

Kurt waited until the door was closed and he was down the hall to start laughing.


End file.
